Wild Side Walk: Pt 21.
(Unexpurgated) 1982: Report from the astronaut
Hell's Half Acre, Wyoming (2004)
image source: cbsoftwareengineering.com
Wyoming was another outer-space state; the soil was weird colours that changed all the time. For a while we were driving through a scarcely populated and equally scarcely vegetated stretch, and the dirt was blue, green, purple, and the landforms were like toadstool shaped rock formations, the lower strata being softer had worn away and eventually the whole structure would collapse like some of the piles of rock scattered around. Occasionally we would pass a mobile-home park, a few acres of dirt covered in a neatly arranged mosaic of caravan like homes with lots of dirt bikes and four-wheel drive small trucks - Dodges. Chevs, Fords, not too many Jap machines out here- this is real redneck territory. I couldn't figure out what these people would be doing out here, except fixing up the little woodpecker rigs that we passed from time to time, or hunting; some of the men were wandering around with handguns and rifles.
Neither Kid nor I felt much like stopping, but we knew we'd have to soon - the fuel gauge was sliding towards 'E'. A new kind of sight started to appear, long wooden frameworks that stretched from the road back at angles across the paddocks. Up ahead was an Amoco station, and we pulled in. As I opened the car door all the paper trash I had around my feet was suddenly sucked out as if by a giant vacuum cleaner. I looked up and noticed a giant of a man looking down at me, asking me, "You want that bag that just blew out over the road, if you do it's too bad 'cos its gone now". I couldn't believe he was real; his skin was like deep-grained leather, and out of his ears spread a strange growth over his face like some kind of leprosy. The wind had not varied since I got out of the car, it just remained a constant force, more like it was being sucked, than blown, and hot. Real hot. It suited the red dirt around us, and I wondered what it would be like on top of Mt Olympus, Mars.
Kid organised the gas, and I went inside to peruse the postcard rack and check out the liquid refreshments. I really felt like a beer, was becoming strangely fascinated by this place and wondered what it was called. According to one of the postcards, "Hell's Half Acre, Wyoming". (The following poem was printed next to a photo of some of the rock forms I had been looking at earlier on).
THE 'HELL' YOU SAY!
Just what is meant by this word ‘Hell?’
They say sometimes, “It’s cold as Hell."
Sometimes they say. "It's hot as Hell."
When it rains hard, “It’s Hell," they cry.
It's also "Hell" when it's dry.
They "Hate like Hell" to see it snow,
It's "A Hell of a Wind" when it starts to blow.
Now "How in Hell" can anyone tell
"What in Hell" they mean by this word "Hell '
This married life is "Hell" they say.
When he comes in late there's "Hell to Pay.
"When he starts to yell, it's a "Hell of a Note."
It's "Hell" when the kid you have to tote.
It's "Hell" when the doctor sends his bills,
For "A Hell of a Lot" of trips and pills.
When you get this you will know real well
Just what is meant by this word "Hell?”
"Hell, yes," "Hell, no," and "0h, Hell" too.
"The Hell you don't," and "Hell you do,"
And "What in Hell" and "The Hell it is."
"The Hell with yours" and "The Hell with his,"
Now "Who in Hell" and 0h Hell, where?"
And "What in Hell do you think I care?"
But, "The Hell of it is," "It's as sure as Hell,"
We don’t know "What in the Hell" is "Hell."
-Author Unknown.
Another postcard had a distant view of Interstate 80 with a sign to locate it, sweeping up the side of a Martian mountain.
Stumble It!
Hell's Half Acre, Wyoming (2004) image source: cbsoftwareengineering.com
Wyoming was another outer-space state; the soil was weird colours that changed all the time. For a while we were driving through a scarcely populated and equally scarcely vegetated stretch, and the dirt was blue, green, purple, and the landforms were like toadstool shaped rock formations, the lower strata being softer had worn away and eventually the whole structure would collapse like some of the piles of rock scattered around. Occasionally we would pass a mobile-home park, a few acres of dirt covered in a neatly arranged mosaic of caravan like homes with lots of dirt bikes and four-wheel drive small trucks - Dodges. Chevs, Fords, not too many Jap machines out here- this is real redneck territory. I couldn't figure out what these people would be doing out here, except fixing up the little woodpecker rigs that we passed from time to time, or hunting; some of the men were wandering around with handguns and rifles.
Neither Kid nor I felt much like stopping, but we knew we'd have to soon - the fuel gauge was sliding towards 'E'. A new kind of sight started to appear, long wooden frameworks that stretched from the road back at angles across the paddocks. Up ahead was an Amoco station, and we pulled in. As I opened the car door all the paper trash I had around my feet was suddenly sucked out as if by a giant vacuum cleaner. I looked up and noticed a giant of a man looking down at me, asking me, "You want that bag that just blew out over the road, if you do it's too bad 'cos its gone now". I couldn't believe he was real; his skin was like deep-grained leather, and out of his ears spread a strange growth over his face like some kind of leprosy. The wind had not varied since I got out of the car, it just remained a constant force, more like it was being sucked, than blown, and hot. Real hot. It suited the red dirt around us, and I wondered what it would be like on top of Mt Olympus, Mars.
Kid organised the gas, and I went inside to peruse the postcard rack and check out the liquid refreshments. I really felt like a beer, was becoming strangely fascinated by this place and wondered what it was called. According to one of the postcards, "Hell's Half Acre, Wyoming". (The following poem was printed next to a photo of some of the rock forms I had been looking at earlier on).
THE 'HELL' YOU SAY!
Just what is meant by this word ‘Hell?’
They say sometimes, “It’s cold as Hell."
Sometimes they say. "It's hot as Hell."
When it rains hard, “It’s Hell," they cry.
It's also "Hell" when it's dry.
They "Hate like Hell" to see it snow,
It's "A Hell of a Wind" when it starts to blow.
Now "How in Hell" can anyone tell
"What in Hell" they mean by this word "Hell '
This married life is "Hell" they say.
When he comes in late there's "Hell to Pay.
"When he starts to yell, it's a "Hell of a Note."
It's "Hell" when the kid you have to tote.
It's "Hell" when the doctor sends his bills,
For "A Hell of a Lot" of trips and pills.
When you get this you will know real well
Just what is meant by this word "Hell?”
"Hell, yes," "Hell, no," and "0h, Hell" too.
"The Hell you don't," and "Hell you do,"
And "What in Hell" and "The Hell it is."
"The Hell with yours" and "The Hell with his,"
Now "Who in Hell" and 0h Hell, where?"
And "What in Hell do you think I care?"
But, "The Hell of it is," "It's as sure as Hell,"
We don’t know "What in the Hell" is "Hell."
-Author Unknown.
Another postcard had a distant view of Interstate 80 with a sign to locate it, sweeping up the side of a Martian mountain.
Stumble It!
posted by Stuart Page at Monday, April 21, 2008
1 Comments:
Stuart,
Why do you not have an e-mail address visible anywhere? Here or on Myspace. I'm an old friend of Larry Shustak from his days in New York. Please contact me at pwfenton@digitalflotsam.org
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